Bill Murray Heading Down Divorce Highway

by Tom Miller

So he’s, err, got that going for him…

With tears in our eyes, we guess, we sadly report that Bill Murray is getting a divorce. There is no great gunga-galunga that’s going to make us all wake up and try today over again (and again and again). Jennifer Murray’s divorce proclamation alleged that Bill was up to some Zissou-esque no good. She’s also asked for a restraining or something so don’t expect a glass slipper for Cinderella Boy.

Us Weekly reports that the paperwork was filed on May 12th and had some shocking allegations about the funniest man in Hollywood. We’re not saying one way or the other but shocking allegations and restraining orders are a good way to start divorce proceedings with the upper hand. And how do we know that she’s not the one that sleeps above her covers, 4 feet above her covers? And maybe he was just trying to lip her stockings. Maybe she was a sexual dynamo that most guys couldn’t keep up with and he was forced to read books on the outside just to keep up. Forget it, what’s the point?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I’m going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.