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Honey, I Want to Sleep With Other People
How to start a conversation about opening your marriage.
by Jenny Block
Begin by assuring your partner that you love him or her. Explain that this is not about leaving them or loving them less. But instead about exploring how you might enhance your relationship and grow as individuals.
Don’t expect it to happen in one sitting. Taking one small step at a time is key. There is so much to talk about. You will have to take it at whatever pace is comfortable for the two of you. And you won’t know what that pace is until the conversation gets underway. Remember that giving your partner a chance to digest what you’re saying and do his or her own research is as important as the actual conversing that you will do.
Beyond that, all I can tell you is how it worked for me. My husband and I talked ad nauseam for months about how we felt and how it would work and whether it was a good idea and when we would attempt it and how would we do it. But the truth is this – we didn’t really know what would happen until we tried. All we knew was that we loved and trusted each other enough to give it a shot.
The thing to remember is this: we’re talking about the person whom you loved enough to marry, the person to whom you can say anything, the person who loves you unconditionally. Talk to them. Really talk to them. Whether or not you decide to open your relationship, you just might be surprised how good it feels to, well, open up…
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1 Some Guy // Aug 14, 2008 at 11:54 am
Nancy,
He’s not going to leave his wife for you, and you’re damned lucky that he won’t. If he’ll cheat *with* you, he’ll also cheat *on* you.
Grow up, get some self-respect, and quit living on another woman’s leftovers.
2 Some Guy // Aug 14, 2008 at 11:52 am
If your spouse wants to sleep around, the solution is clear: end the marriage, immediately.
Lots of people in this world are too immature to be married, and there is no clearer indication of this than bitching about how they want to get some on the side.
Anita, if you want to be a Heinlein character and jump anything that moves, have fun. Just don’t pretend that you have anything that can possibly be described as a mature relationship.
3 Barry // Jul 3, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Anita Wagner, you should get together with Jenny Block so you can spend more time agreeing with one another. Who knows, maybe the only monogamous relationship you ladies could be happy with is with someone who hates monogamy as much as you two.
4 nancy // Jun 17, 2008 at 7:55 pm
I am a divorsed lady who loves a married man with this same situation.I am miserable & so is he, but it happens in life wheather he gets a divorse or not I will always love him for who he is.
Signed the other woman
5 Keith In Brooklyn // Jun 11, 2008 at 12:35 pm
My partner and I have been together for nearly 25 years and still love each other madly. I am also in a very loving relationship that is going on 8 years. While this situation may not work for everyone, it works for us.
In “justifying” my lifestyle to a friend who thought I was living a lie and just couldn’t understand my feelings, I came up with a metaphor that seemed apt:
I live in New York City and have ever since I came here to go to college in 1982. I LOVE my city. I love all the things to do, the sights, the smells, the diversity, and just about everything else this glorious city has to offer. Nonetheless, having an oversized love for NYC does not restrict me from visiting Paris every so often and embracing its sights and smells. I know that when my vacation is over in a week or two that I will be returning to the beloved arms of my fair city. NYC doesn’t scorn me for visiting Paris. It merely wishes I had a good time while I was away and it welcomes me home.
The point is that love is not a limited resource. Just as one can love his or her children or friends differently, one can hold different kinds of love in the realm of romance. Again, this may not work for everyone, but I am not everyone. I am me, just as you are you. If it works for you, and you aren’t hurting anyone (openness and honesty are prerequisites for this kind of lifestyle), then that should be your only concern.
Keith
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