Rebound: Life After Divorce & Addiction

by Matthew Andrews

I tried to deny it, as I had any number of times before, but this time she would not relent. The barrel of the revolver poked the roof of my mouth. I wrapped my forefinger around the cold metal of the trigger. She continued to press harder and harder for an answer. I squeezed off one clean shot: I told her the truth. There was terror in her eyes. She took a moment to collect herself—looking down—the tsunami brewing. Then she exploded, “Get out of this house, now!”

As she screamed, trembling with anger, I couldn’t even hear the words she was saying. The courage I’d had while taking my company public flew out of me. My feelings for my young girlfriend drained from my body as the barrage continued. My head hung in the shame that Erin’s words exposed in a final dagger to the heart:

“You’re not the big shot deal maker you think you are. You’re a cheat and a drunk! Leave and don’t come back. Don’t even think about seeing your kids again. You have given up that right!”

Ten minutes later my green Saab 9-3 sat in an empty church parking lot just outside town. The sun was out, but I was cold. Like a person approaching death, I saw my body from the outside, watching quivering hands, rapid breath, and wet cheeks. I couldn’t get my perspective back inside my body.

I gripped my cell phone in my right hand waiting for it to ring. My father was unreachable in Mexico, hoping to not get shot by rebels as he tried to provide relief to the poorest of the poor. My mother was away at a conference. My phone finally rang. I answered it, snapping back into my body, feeling the moisture on my face for the first time.