BenAffleck & Alias On The Rox?

by Tom Miller

“NOOOOOO. It’s impossible.” Jezebel reports that Benifer 2 (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner) may be booking tickets to singletown. Maybe this is a joke like when they (Jezebel) April Fooled us about being sold to Conde Nast. Everyone be cool about this. BE COOL!

The details, from E!’s Ted Casablanca, are sketchy. In fact, we can’t bring ourselves to look at them. It’s too bad that  decided to get himself a wife and kids when Ben was in his Jennifer Lopez days. This would be a great time for the 2 of them to get a room at the Kansas City Hyatt, put on a little adult contemporary, draw a bubble bath, and really hug it out. Jezebel’s Dodai claims that this breakup would represent the end of hope in this world. We think it’s worse than that. This is Captain Hook getting elected president of Never Never Land and converting all the fairy dust into asbestos at panda-burning factories.

At least Ruben Studdard is still alive. And evidently convinced a woman to marry him, per Access Hollywood. Still waiting on a Clay Aiken wedding announcement to go with his sperm donor-ing that chick.