What About Love?

by Jenny Block

People in open relationships often talk about rules – what they should be, whether or not to have any, what to do if they’re broken… That can be especially true for people just starting out or thinking about embarking on an open relationship. One of the most often contended topics on this front is love. And so I get questions nearly every day that go something like this.

Dear Jenny,

My husband and I are at the beginning of an open relationship. I understand the difference between love and sex and was wondering if you have ground rules with your husband as I have told mine: DON’T FALL IN LOVE. Is this a reality or am I kidding myself? I love my husband, and he loves me. I just find he is happier having the freedom to have a sexual relationship elsewhere.

Thanks,
Hopeful in the Heartland

The answer to Hopeful’s question is yes – and no. A couple can set out whatever rules it likes including the “Don’t Fall in Love” rule, which plenty of open couples have and are able to follow. In order to make that work, they often also have the “Don’t Sleep With the Same Person Twice,” “Only See People Out of Town,” and/or “No Correspondence Beyond Date Setting” rules.