Ask A Non-Monogamist

by Dan Eldridge

For those of you who’ve never encountered a “Marriage Without Monogamy” installment before, I’ll explain the concept briefly by saying that the column is essentially a series of first-person essays about the open relationship I share with my fiancée, the aforementioned Carrie. Naturally, I’ve been fielding my fair share of questions about alternative relationships since the column first appeared online. And yet because I’ve never been shy when it comes to the subject of my sex life, I’m almost always happy to answer those questions. I’m even more willing to do so when those questions come from readers who seem genuinely intrigued by the idea that maybe their sex lives could be modified or adjusted or improved upon, too – and maybe in ways they’d never before considered.

But a personal question from an editor? Someone I was used to dealing with strictly on a professional level? That was new. And I’ll admit: It also caused me to wonder if maybe I hadn’t failed somewhat as an essayist. After all, this was the same person who had gone over my last 10,000 written words with an editor’s eye, and a red pencil. If she didn’t understand the intricacies of my relationship with Carrie, how could I expect my readers to understand it either?

Just yesterday, in fact, I spoke with this very same editor about these very same concerns. I asked her what she thought my readers were most curious about. Did they want to know more about the ways Carrie and I dealt with jealousy, for instance? Or would they rather get tips and advice from us about starting open relationships for themselves? Maybe they just wanted the down-and-dirty details: where we found our partners, and what we did with them, and why.

And then it hit me: Why not go straight to the source, and simply ask the readers themselves? Which is exactly what I’m doing now.

Tango readers: When it comes to the subjects of polyamory and swinging and open relationships, what are you honestly, truly most curious about? Do you want to know more about the rules and boundaries Carrie and I have developed for our own sex lives? Do you want to learn about how and why we decided to open up our relationship in the first place? Do you want to know what our friends and families have to say about our situation? Do you want to read more about our plans for the future, like our upcoming “UnWedding,” or the possibility that we may one day add a permanent third person to our relationship?