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The Suburban Swingers Club
A sneak peek behind the scenes, beyond the sex.
by Erin Mantz
The 1970s are over, but some things seem to be making a comeback: lava lamps, wallpaper, Donna Summer’s concert tour and…swingers. The fascination with “the lifestyle” (as swingers fondly call it) is seeping into suburban, upper-middle class social scenes. Over drinks and dessert, discussions once focused on home renovations and restaurant openings are giving way to talk about wife-swapping and tales of key parties down the block.
Last month, I attended an end-of-the-elementary-school-year family barbecue in my woodsy suburban neighborhood outside of Washington, D.C. Sitting with four other couples as the kids played Wii downstairs, the parents’ conversations turned from second grade teacher reputations and fourth quarter grades to the rumored “swingers” parties one community over. Those of us who had heard it before had a twinkle in their eyes. Those who hadn’t heard it were shocked then extremely curious. I swear every mom and dad’s ears perked up and hung on every word; even the most conservative-seeming mom of the bunch pepped up.
Fast forward to another dinner party one weekend later. A woman I’d just met went on and on about the new Swingtown television series. “You have to watch it. It isn’t that good, but I am totally sucked in,” she said. And the topic came up again on a recent “girls night out” sushi dinner after seeing Sex in the City. Four married, attractive, successful women/moms, we analyzed the swinger house party scenarios to death. Someone heard the people who threw the parties now had “facilitators” in there, too. What in the world for, we wondered!
Is this curiosity a throwback to the free-feeling ’70s or are thirty- and forty-something married people getting restless?
Determined to unravel the mystery, I got myself an invitation to a swingers club. For one night, I was told I would have access to the entire club and get introduced to women who could answer my overriding questions of “why do you do it?” and “how can you do it?” The mystery began to unravel at every turn, down every hallway, and in between the many stares and smiles of strangers.
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1 Writer of this article / Erin Mantz // Jul 30, 2008 at 3:27 pm
To Tilda’s comment -
Yes, I am sure I missed some of the racier stuff because I had to leave before midnight. My husband wasn’t comfortable there and wanted to get out. This is a perfect example of what some couples must face when trying to feel their way (no pun intended) through a swingers club or house party the first time. Many of the swinger wives I interviewed said it took many discussions with their husbands for quite a while in order to get them OK with the idea.
As i’ve said since the club visit, and as many, many folks have commented on this page and on the Today Show web site where the article is running — I should have brought a girlfriend instead!
2 Writer of this article / Erin Mantz // Jul 30, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Mike’s comment surprised me - I NEVER even thought about the idea the women were checking me out to consider me for their husbands! This idea must be hard for many people I know (people not in the lifestyle) to comprehend - non-swinging wives reading this, you probably get annoyed when your husband stares at a pretty lady - can you imagine being the one helping him find one? How do people control their jealousy?
3 Mike // Jul 29, 2008 at 9:02 pm
I forwarded this article to a friend who is in “the lifestyle.” She pointed out that the women who were eying you were more likely considering you for their husband’s pleasure than their own.
She was also VERY impressed with the club you described - so much nicer than the ones near where she lives.
4 Kat // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Erin,
Great article - I’m really looking forward to reading the next one. Our husband’s sound a bit alike… Any tips on easing them besides margaritas (or in addition to them).
5 tilda // Jul 22, 2008 at 1:13 pm
it really doesn’t sound that racy. i’ve probably seen equal if not worse at my neighborhood bar. maybe the author missed some of the racier stuff?
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