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The Suburban Swingers Club
A sneak peek behind the scenes, beyond the sex.
by Erin Mantz
The Tabu Social Club in Catonsville, Maryland is tucked behind a nondescript building and a 7-11, but once you see the blue awning with a fancy “T” you know you’re in the right place. I remember marveling at how their elaborate black iron gate gave the entryway an almost regal quality. A bit shaky as I climbed the steps of the building, I braced myself for what I might find. For all the talk and joking around I had done with friends about this subject, coming face to face with the lifestyle could be something else altogether.
My husband came with me. He was more scared than I was! I encouraged him to have a few extra margaritas at the restaurant beforehand so he would relax a bit—but that didn’t help him much. I had offered to take a girlfriend instead of him but that was quickly rebuffed with a “no way!” So there he was, reluctantly.
A huge bowl of Dum-Dum lollipops set me straight. They sat at the check-in desk, a sight so familiar to me from my sons’ pediatrician appointments and dry cleaner visits. How odd they were here, I thought. This gave me some strange level of comfort to continue on.
The outgoing owners, Vicki and Rick, looked like people I might run into at a health club or local take-out joint. They greeted me warmly and introduced me and first-time member couples to our “tour guides.” A nice, friendly couple happily approached us and calmly began the tour as if we were checking out a model home or tourist attraction. When they suggested we start downstairs, the newbies and I followed them down a well-lit but long and narrow stairway full of fear. I imagined what sights I would see at the end. Some kind of orgy? Group sex rooms in full force? Whips and chains? Some scene out of a movie?
Not quite yet. It was still early—10:45pm, and the tour began with trips to every “room.” Theme rooms, swing rooms, voyeur rooms—you name it, there they were. Red lights above each doorway indicated what was free, and you had to schedule with the hostess—no reserving too far ahead of time (I watched several groups of women trying to sweet talk the scheduler around 11 p.m. for post-midnight bookings, but to no avail).
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1 judy jerome // Sep 9, 2008 at 12:03 pm
O DAM IT !!! / CAN THERE BE ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH MORE “THRILLING “THEN THE ” / CONCEPT” OF SWINGING ? DAM IT ! / THIS IS GOOD !! WHERE DID THIS IDEA COME FROM ?
2 Writer of this article / Erin Mantz // Jul 30, 2008 at 3:27 pm
To Tilda’s comment -
Yes, I am sure I missed some of the racier stuff because I had to leave before midnight. My husband wasn’t comfortable there and wanted to get out. This is a perfect example of what some couples must face when trying to feel their way (no pun intended) through a swingers club or house party the first time. Many of the swinger wives I interviewed said it took many discussions with their husbands for quite a while in order to get them OK with the idea.
As i’ve said since the club visit, and as many, many folks have commented on this page and on the Today Show web site where the article is running — I should have brought a girlfriend instead!
3 Writer of this article / Erin Mantz // Jul 30, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Mike’s comment surprised me - I NEVER even thought about the idea the women were checking me out to consider me for their husbands! This idea must be hard for many people I know (people not in the lifestyle) to comprehend - non-swinging wives reading this, you probably get annoyed when your husband stares at a pretty lady - can you imagine being the one helping him find one? How do people control their jealousy?
4 Mike // Jul 29, 2008 at 9:02 pm
I forwarded this article to a friend who is in “the lifestyle.” She pointed out that the women who were eying you were more likely considering you for their husband’s pleasure than their own.
She was also VERY impressed with the club you described - so much nicer than the ones near where she lives.
5 Kat // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Erin,
Great article - I’m really looking forward to reading the next one. Our husband’s sound a bit alike… Any tips on easing them besides margaritas (or in addition to them).
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