Alone Time

by Audrey Ference

So I basically end up sticking to a routine that feels completely arbitrary without the other person there, and at the same time feeling sort of sad because the routine makes the absence all the more noticeable. Plus also on top of that I get this feminist guilt that it shouldn’t matter whether Frank’s around or not and if I’m changing my routines to suit him then that’s a problem on its own anyway.

Which by the way, can I just add that my ideas about what is a feminist decision has changed so much since deciding to live with a partner? Hopefully this doesn’t mean that I have bowed to the patriarchy. I think maybe it’s just that my ideas were kind of jerky. I mean, sure, a woman shouldn’t have to change her ways and preferences to keep a man happy, but any two people are going to both have to bend a little and find a compromise to any point of contention, or else it’s sorta not fair. Anyway.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is just that though I love alone time and can certainly find more than enough to do to keep me occupied, it is shocking to me how much I miss Frank when he is away. It’s partially just the force of habit and the fact that humans in general tend to dislike being forced to vary a routine. But it’s also that I really just miss that guy. To the point that it makes me feel kind of lame and anti-feminist. Is that love? Or something more sinister? I’m not entirely sure.