5 Reasons I’m Not Leaving Yet

by Maya Halpen

4. I need to save some money of my own. Due to my admittedly insane and overblown need to “pay my own way” and not depend on a man, we’ve always kept our money separate. The thing is, Rob earns three times as much as I do, and so after paying our bills, his disposable income is considerably higher. Rob is a generous guy, and he supports me in ways that remain well enough below the radar to avoid offending my independent sensibilities—he unassumingly picks up the check at dinner and forgets to ask for my share of the grocery bill. If I leave, however, that’s the end of his help, and with no family to count on, it’s also the end of my safety net. It will be some months before I can save up for an apartment of my own. I’m not in any danger at home with Rob, so I have the luxury of being practical about this, and can wait until I have more funds available.

5. Life is hard. Let’s face it: Life isn’t easy. Separating would be hard, but so would staying together forever. To think we can make it through life and relationships without effort is naïve. So which challenge is the right one for me—rework this partnership into something more fulfilling, or separate and start anew? If I’m at all uncertain (which I am), a bold move would be foolish indeed. With all the challenges life throws at us—for me, an alcoholic brother and father with rapidly progressing Alzheimer’s Disease come to mind—perhaps a supportive friend is more important than an intimate partner. Not sure I’d take that in the long term, but it’s something to think about.

So I’m biding my time, and meanwhile being kind to myself and gentle with Rob. After I’ve put in a good-faith effort in couples therapy and saved a bit more of my own money, I’ll reassess. If there’s a chance at all that in the next year or so I’ll be starting the long, painful process of extricating myself from a life lived together with Rob, I’d like to enjoy the calm before the storm.