Will Smith: Open For Biz-Nass?

by Tom Miller

OK. This story is everywhere and we’ve been hearing it for months, but it appears that Will Smith is down with open marriage as Holy Moly reports. And we mean ‘down’ like the kids mean it as a synonym for into, i.e. “hey Todd, I’m down like 4 flat tires for this picnic.” Anyways, the Hancock star appears to have an understanding with wife Jada Pinkett Smith in which both are permitted to sex up other people. The main stipulation is that they have to give the other Smith a heads up about the sitchy. Will Smith says, and we’re paraphrasing, that he’d feel like a real dope if he found out only after the fact. It looks like this is another way in which Dan Eldridge and Will Smith are alike. We’re not 100% what the other ways are but who doesn’t want to be like Will Smith? That’s not sarcasm, he’s a cool guy, whereas Billy Zane is only a pretty cool guy. We heard that Will Smith scored a 1450 on his SAT, can benchpress a Yugo, and was once offered the chance to be King of Prussia but turned them down to star in Ali.*

Now that this open marriage thing is, um, out in the open, we wonder if any of the other Will Smith rumors will prove to be true. We wonder if this proves any validity to the rumor that “Will Smith doesn’t have to cuss to sell records?” We still have a hard time believing that he’s a gay, a Scientologist, or a gay Scientologist, but we never would have pegged A-Rod as a Madonna fanatic nor a Kabbalah enthusiast either. Bienvenido a Miami, indeed.

Fun fact: The original title of Hancock was Tonight He Comes. It was a reference to Hancock’s inability to ejaculate inside a woman without killing them. He had to fling them off before his essence augered a hole through their midsection. And we can see why they made the change.

*Note: Some of these may not be true, we really think Will Smith could turn things around for Prussia.