The New Breakup

by Tobi Elkin

“If you’re friends with someone and you can see their profile, when they break up with someone everyone will know you’ve broken up…your whole network of friends will know.” It’s important, she says, to update your status after a breakup or friends will think you’re still pining for the guy who broke up with you. It happened to her. While breakup No. 1 occurred offline, her ex changed his Facebook status right away to “single,” while hers remained unchanged for hours: “You don’t want to look like an idiot.”

The ex-boyfriend made fun of Rudnik by drawing a picture of her with the graffiti application and posting it on his profile. She had to ask a friend to convince him to remove it. Rudknik also says Facebook and MySpace groups often form instantaneously to gang up on either side in a breakup or campaign to humiliate someone.

Forget about Ms. Manners or civility. Etiquette? What etiquette? Technology has enabled everyone to take the easy way out via text message, instant message, email, voicemail, blog post, and even online video hubs like YouTube.

Using instant messages and texts to end a personal relationship can be less viral than turning to Facebook or MySpace, though people can forward messages to a group in their BlackBerry or cell phone address book. According to the findings of a global study commissioned by Skype and Harris Interactive, 21% of the men ages 18-24 surveyed feel the new forms of communication encourage less honesty and openness. The study found that 81% of respondents said face-to-face communication is still the most acceptable way to end a relationship, while 7% said doing so via email was acceptable and 3% said via IM was acceptable.

Think it’s just teenagers and young adults who are reeling from the new breakup modes? Think again.