The New Breakup

by Tobi Elkin

The web, it seems, is being used for everything from trash-talking exes post-breakup to confirming a partner is cheating via computer software. There are even websites that create random phone numbers where you can send messages to your partner from a fake person to see if he or she is carrying on an affair. SpoofTel.com offers the ability to change your Caller ID information to show any phone number you want, change your voice to male or female, record the conversation or text message, and your real number won’t show up on the Caller ID screen. You can even capture a user name and password, then do a reverse phone lookup on the Web.

To monitor sites a partner visits, email, IM, and other online activities, Spectorsoft Internet monitoring software ($99) checks everything, including screen captures, about every two seconds and all keystrokes.

Women also use Facebook, MySpace and other sites to find the “other woman.” Take the case of “T” Bodnar of Hoboken, N.J., who was outed on MySpace a year ago by an ex-girlfriend he dated for five years, and his most recent girlfriend whom he’s since broken up with. Bodnar, 38, drummer in the cover band Lifespeed, was in the process of trying to end the newer relationship after he resumed contact with his ex. Both women found out about each other and found one another on MySpace. The women began texting and sending photos back and forth.

The episode, Bodnar says, “really made me look like a piece of shit. I didn’t feel good about this. I was trying to walk away quietly but within a couple of hours on MySpace, they were connected and trash-talking me.” The women left nasty messages on the band’s home page and blog.

“I felt kind of violated and that my privacy was worthless and because I wasn’t exactly being a stand-up guy [by talking to both and having feelings for both], I was very embarrassed. I had no control of the situation,” he explains.