Beau vs Buddies

by Liz Funk

Allison illustrates an important point: struck by Cupid’s arrow, many women see their beaus in a forgiving light and overlook their faults, even while their friends’ intuitive senses scream, “Dump this guy!”

Says Jennifer Kelton, author of the relationship book Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel and the CEO of BadOnlineDates.com, women’s occasional blindness to a guy’s toxic bachelor status could be chemistry. “Why people are attracted to someone… is kind of deep on a physiological level. Often times, when women are sticking with these boyfriends, [their] chemistry is bonding with someone, not [their] heads. The woman could almost be like, ‘This is the most fabulous man ever!’ when he’s cheating on her. There are all kinds of levels of why people stay with those who aren’t right for them, and one major one is that people get chemically attached.”

Leah Rotella, who hails from Long Island, has been having problems with her best friend’s boyfriend for a while, although her friend hasn’t noticed. “Girls can be oblivious to how their romantic relationships negatively impact other aspects of their lives, or others period, because they’re of the mentality, Well if everything’s going so well, of course there’s nothing’s wrong…” Leah has tried talking to her friend about the situation, but her friend hasn’t been receptive.

Tara Joyce’s best friend had a boyfriend who drilled in her friend’s head that she should diet (despite already being thin) and that she should get regular Brazilian waxes (even though she really didn’t want to). His influence became too much for Tara, and she felt she needed to start saying something. “You just try to drill it in her head that you think she should have a greater sense of self-worth and not be with this guy. Boyfriends are supposed to make you feel like the best person in the world, not the worst person.” Tara told her friend repeatedly that she should ditch the guy but the friend stayed with the guy anyway. “My friend would casually mention something rude that her boyfriend said or did, and I would become so mad at him that I almost felt inclined to leave our lunches early. He was influencing the friendship when he wasn’t even there.”

However, Jennifer Kelton has a pointed take on such a situation: If friends tell someone that they think her guy is bad news and she stays with him, she loses the right to vent about him at lunch or during girls’ night out. “If you know that your friends don’t like him, then you’re wasting their time talking about him. You should say nothing, because you’re just a big whiner at this point,” Kelton says.