Conversations Take A Turn For The Serious

by Audrey Ference

So it’s strange to talk about it and it’s strange to bring it up. And it’s strange to be in a place where if we’re going ahead with this house thing, we actually need to know where we stand with money stuff and legal stuff and future stuff.

Even stranger, I guess, is that I’m not even sure what my answers to these questions are anymore. I have been such a staunch hater of marriage and children my whole adolescent/adult life, and have absolutely reviled the idea—often shared with me by wives and mothers—that once I find the “right” person, my opinions will change.

The concept annoyed me because I hated the idea that there’s one magical perfect person out there for everyone; I hated the idea that ultimately the man has the transformative power in all heterosexual relationships; and I extra hated the implied notion that my hormones would overpower what my rational mind had decided.

Suddenly, though, I don’t know what I think any more. I’ve realized that most of the scary commitment stuff, like knowing you’d be devastated if your partner left you, or the combining of finances and families, happens in a committed relationship whether you marry or not. It’s not something you can magically stave off by not wearing a ring.

Also, though, it is very Frank-based. I don’t want to get married. If I were single, I wouldn’t long for it. But I would love to be married to Frank. I don’t want kids, but I would consider the idea (internet, this is not a solid yes) of having a kid with Frank. I don’t want that stuff for itself, but only insomuch as I like Frank and whatever sorts of things need to be done to build a life together, I’ll do them. Which is of course what those women were trying to tell me, I was just too dumb to understand.