Thongs For Abstinence

by Genevieve

When a promise ring is not enough, abstinence-promoting underwear might do the trick.

Printed with slogans such as “True Love Will Wait” and “Earn your right to wear white: Abstain.”, it’s hard to tell if these $11 white cotton thongs are marketed facetiously or seriously as a last-ditch effort to preserve one’s virginity. I can’t imagine parents of abstinence-abiding teens would be excited to buy an undergarment that only exists thanks to form-fitting clothing, let alone one meant to be read by a second party. Regardless, we’ll call the undies both inspiring and clever. My favorite pair? An image of cherries above the words “Iron Hymen.” That oft-forgotten membrane sure is getting its share of the limelight this year.

I wonder if Jenna Bush wore a pair under her wedding gown earlier this year in support of her dad’s nearly “left behind” abstinence program. The “I’m saving myself for wild, passionate, honeymoon sex”-adorned pair would have been fitting.