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Allergic to Sex
What happens when a fundamental piece of your relationship is excruciating?
by Amber Adrian
Finally, I unearthed a specialist (there aren’t many). When I told my new physician that my last gynecologist tried to pawn me off on a psychiatrist—the problem being all in my head, of course—this debonair, 70-year-old man started banging his sparsely covered skull gently against his walnut desk. After my exam, I walked into the afternoon sunshine with a diagnosis, a treatment plan, and a hefty bill. If you were wondering, validation tastes like a $500 cone of caramel fudge ice cream.
But it still took two more years of experimentation with gels, antidepressants, physical therapy, and doses of electro-shock therapy to my delicate bits before sex was comfortable. It was a long two years, years in which my self-esteem plummeted and my relationship splintered and finally dissolved. Sex is a fundamental part of a romantic relationship, and when that aspect isn’t an option, it becomes hard to hold the other parts together. Fortunately, I am completely cured, but I occasionally have a flareup and will visit my doctor for follow-up treatments.
All of humanity, most of the animal kingdom, and half the world’s flora have sex—and now I do, too. It was a frustrating and sometimes devastating journey, plagued by the persistent fear that I might never have a normal sex life and gnawing guilt that I was keeping my partner from the same. But there is treatment—which means there’s hope for misfiring pain receptors in groins everywhere. Sex is rollicking good fun, and I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to have firsthand experience.
Amber Adrian is a freelance writer living in San Francisco. She likes green sneakers, coffee beans, and clean sheets.
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1 Christin Veasley // Sep 5, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Hannah, I am the associate executive director of the National Vulvodynia Association and can put you in touch with British women who are willing to be interviewed about their experience with vulvodynia. You can contact me at chris@nva.org. Thanks.
2 Hannah // Sep 3, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Hi,
I’m a journalist for the British press and I would love to do an interview with a woman who is allergic to sex - has vulvodynia.
Would anyone be willing to talk to me?
Thanks,
Hannah
3 Simosa // Aug 11, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Hi Amber - wow - can I ever relate to this story. 6 years of unbelievable hell…a little blurb in Self magazine in 1998 or 1999 led me to a doctor who did vaginal ultrasound therapy. The goal was to retrain the muscles of the pelvic floor to reroute nerve endings. Then I found a little book called The Purse My Mother Gave me by the author who wrote Girl Interrupted. The book was about her journey overcoming this problem. I was so relieved to read about someone else’s journey - finally I wasn’t alone.
I must have seen 20+ doctors and finally spent a year doing a lot of creative visualization where I imagined penetration - and liking it! Step by step, little by little I overcame this issue. I definitely still have flair ups at times and they really eff with my mind but for the most part it’s under control.
I wish everyone reading this - the best of luck! Do not give up!
4 Jim // Aug 3, 2008 at 4:51 pm
My wife has vulvodynia. It’s been a difficult seven years. But I’m committed to our marriage and love her without reservation. I found that NVA.org is a great resource.