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A Vacation From My Wedding Ring
Marriage troubles force a woman to test the weight of wearing her ring.
by Maya Halpen
When I recently put this question to a few friends, I was blown away by the variety and strength of their feelings on the matter.
Kendra, a 25-year-old engaged Bostonian, admitted things might have been different had I worn my ring. But she can’t imagine taking her diamond off for any reason—not even to wash her hands. She will hide her left hand in her pocket when she sits next to a cute guy on a subway train, however. She even admits to choosing seats that put her in good flirting position.
What’s the difference between her hiding her diamond and me stowing my band? I suppose a smile on the train doesn’t pose as much opportunity or risk as an evening on the beach. Her target might get off at the next stop—doors open, and he’s gone. No harm, no foul.
Thirty-four-year-old Summer, who is dating again after a divorce, understood my ring removal perfectly: “We don’t want to deny ourselves the breadth of human interaction. We want to invite it all and make choices about what we get, not limit it from the beginning.” Indeed. And never are we more intent on sucking the marrow out of life than when we travel.
In Mexico with Maddie, the plans that kept us from the beachside grill party that evening were to seek out the locals’ salsa night we had heard so much about. We made the right choice. A six-piece band blared salsa music as waves crashed nearby and the moon and stars looked on. There was no husband to worry about taking care of—no “Honey, can we dance?” or “You feel uncomfortable? Are you okay? You’re going for another drink?” Instead, I focused on letting go of my own inhibitions. Our mission was to have fun.
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1 Jackie Chan // Oct 23, 2008 at 1:56 pm
The only reason Carlos the fisherman invited you to the gathering with friends was so he might have a chance to get laid. I feel sorry for your husband, he deserves better.
2 mike yuen ken paahana // Oct 10, 2008 at 9:34 pm
my vacation without my gf was the bes time i have make me think i no like be with her anymore
3 ohkwarimama // Aug 12, 2008 at 11:39 am
When my husband and I got married we had no money and a young child. We bought cheap rings and my finger reacted badly to the metal, so I stopped wearing mine. We got new equally cheap rings which we wore for a couple years, and then my husband crushed his (saved his finger) in a work accident, so he stopped wearing his. I took the opportunity to stop wearing mine as well (as I had never liked the look of the cheap ring). We are now waiting to have our new, not so cheap rings made. Our marriage has not been effected at all by wearing or not wearing rings. They are a culturally specific symbol, something that matters only if you think it matters. I know lots of people who do not wear wedding rings at all (happily long married people). In many cultures rings are not a part of making a promise to be someone’s partner, get over it!
4 kenneth // Aug 12, 2008 at 6:41 am
Concealing your wedding ring is not much different from being unfaithful (especially if you believe in wearing the wedding band as sign of fidelity). Why should you still marry if all your looking for in life is happiness, meeting other guys where a lot of temptations arise?
5 watcher77 // Aug 12, 2008 at 2:54 am
well, how does one find the right words to describe extreme selfishness, self-delusion, betrayal, egocentrism, vapidity, airheadedness, superficiality to the max, poor excuse for an adult, never grew out of high school, britney-clone, slut-fiend. Sorry, I just can’t find the words.
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