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A Vacation From My Wedding Ring
Marriage troubles force a woman to test the weight of wearing her ring.
by Maya Halpen
While she knew better about me—that sex was not on my agenda—she did remind me of the clichés and assumptions surrounding the man who removes his wedding band. That it will come rolling, telltale-style, out of a wallet or pocket. That you can tell he’s cheating husband by the tan-line on his ring finger. That he is out for sex.
She also pointed out that you don’t often hear about women removing their rings. In fact, she said, “It seems like I’ve heard about and even seen women wearing their rings after their husbands pass away.” Neither scenario exactly fits me.
The aforementioned rough patch in my marriage persists and leaves me feeling stuck and limited. Like an albatross around my neck, the circle of gold around my finger feels like a burden and a curse.
As I write now from my home office, Rob is watching television in the next room, and my wedding band is back on my finger. Even though nothing unseemly happened in Mexico, I feel guilty. To remove it was to violate a promise to him.
But more than guilty, I feel terribly disappointed. The ring constantly reminds me of a promise and hope that has not been realized. Perhaps the answer to the question of the ring is: if we can get what we want from life only by removing it, we aren’t meant to be wearing it—maybe we aren’t meant to be married—at all.
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1 Jackie Chan // Oct 23, 2008 at 1:56 pm
The only reason Carlos the fisherman invited you to the gathering with friends was so he might have a chance to get laid. I feel sorry for your husband, he deserves better.
2 mike yuen ken paahana // Oct 10, 2008 at 9:34 pm
my vacation without my gf was the bes time i have make me think i no like be with her anymore
3 ohkwarimama // Aug 12, 2008 at 11:39 am
When my husband and I got married we had no money and a young child. We bought cheap rings and my finger reacted badly to the metal, so I stopped wearing mine. We got new equally cheap rings which we wore for a couple years, and then my husband crushed his (saved his finger) in a work accident, so he stopped wearing his. I took the opportunity to stop wearing mine as well (as I had never liked the look of the cheap ring). We are now waiting to have our new, not so cheap rings made. Our marriage has not been effected at all by wearing or not wearing rings. They are a culturally specific symbol, something that matters only if you think it matters. I know lots of people who do not wear wedding rings at all (happily long married people). In many cultures rings are not a part of making a promise to be someone’s partner, get over it!
4 kenneth // Aug 12, 2008 at 6:41 am
Concealing your wedding ring is not much different from being unfaithful (especially if you believe in wearing the wedding band as sign of fidelity). Why should you still marry if all your looking for in life is happiness, meeting other guys where a lot of temptations arise?
5 watcher77 // Aug 12, 2008 at 2:54 am
well, how does one find the right words to describe extreme selfishness, self-delusion, betrayal, egocentrism, vapidity, airheadedness, superficiality to the max, poor excuse for an adult, never grew out of high school, britney-clone, slut-fiend. Sorry, I just can’t find the words.
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