Jessie Simpson Loves Being In Love

by Tom Miller

You ever notice that some stars can be lobbed a nice high softball and basically do all the work for the guy with the note pad? Jessica Simpson is a master of this. She can answer (or ask) a question and the reporter can just add, “Jessica Simpson gives a kooky explanation to (insert topic).” That being said, it appears she’s been channeling Robert Palmer lately. She hasn’t surrounded herself with a bunch of vampy, guitar-strumming clones. She’s addicted to love.

According to In Touch, the tiny, buxom songstress said, “Tony understands me. He appreciates my talent. He’s the first person I’ve spiritually connected with. I’m a girl that loves to be in love. I love love!” That seems to be the case for an awful lot of young women (and men). The flush of new love is like smack (heroin) to most women (roughly everyone who has a heart). Salman Rushdie sheepishly said something to the effect of women preferring weddings to marriage. Being in love with love is an unending series of highs and lows. It’s a fairy tale that doesn’t take into account the sometimes day-to-day tedium of a grown-up relationship. We’re all for people loving the Helsinki out of each other but you can’t really marry and have kids with concept (unless that concept is Chuck Norris circa 2006).

We wonder if Jessica Simpson’s somewhat closeted upbringing is to blame for this? Maybe she’s a little too idealistic and not really equipped for dealing with emotional pain. We can imagine that a girl from Texas dating the Cowboys quarterback (Tony Romo) has to be total emotional roller coaster. Add to that her infatuation with romance and perspective becomes the only luxury she might not have, theoretically. We liked clowning on her better when she was confusing canned fish and fowl rather than tackling existential issues that we would mock someone as loathsome as Heather Mills were she to talk about them.