How I Fell Madly In Lust With My Husband

by Susan Shapiro

Five years after taking our wedding vows, I was shocked to fall madly, passionately in lust with my husband. I’d thought marriage meant making a choice between adoration and ardor, but it turned out both were possible in one package. Okay, it took therapy with a perceptive shrink, figuring out what rang my bell, and asking for it blatantly—several (dozen) times. But when I stopped expecting my mate to read my mind and body, and clearly verbalized what I wanted—exactly the way I wanted it—I got it.

After celebrating our 12th anniversary, Aaron and I still score several times a week. Nowadays he gets into being the dominating bully and stays in character for as long as I want him to. He was recently annoyed with me for throwing out an old ripped T-shirt. He wanted to rip it to shreds himself, he told me, with me still wearing it (I was happy to offer another with a small hole he could go to town on). A friend who plays out more brazen bedroom games with her lover told me we needed a safe word—in case it ever gets out of hand. So far “Stop it” works just fine and I only used it once—when my leg was getting a cramp. Meanwhile I’ve come every single time my husband and I have gone for it for the last six years, which seems quite unbelievable and astounding.

“That’s way too much pressure. Stop saying it or you’ll jinx it” he warns, and I happily disobey.

Susan Shapiro is the author of “Five Men Who Broke My Heart” and “Lighting Up.” This essay will be published as “Fantasy Man” in the forthcoming anthology Behind the Bedroom Door: Getting It, Giving It, Loving It, Missing It.