Tila Tequila Quits Dating Program

by Tom Miller

We’ll be damned. According to Star Pulse, internet person Tila Tequila has decided against a 3rd shot at bisexual love. The tiny-bodied, big-headed sexpot has entered into a new relationship with a gal named Courtenay Semel. Evidently, she does not want to jeopardize things with this new flame just for an outside Shot At Love.

Evidently, Tila Tequila was pretty upset, humiliated by her jilting at the hands of Kristy Morgan during the season 2 finale of Shot At Love. Maybe this will be an opportunity to explore 1 of the multitude of side projects that she’s always talking about. Or reconnect with Bobby Banhart or whoever her real boyfriend was then. And maybe it’s a power play to get more money out of MTV. Whatever the case, this is probably not the last we’ve seen of the tattooed tangerine-on-a-toothpick. We’re willing to bet she’s got big ideas under that tube top. Maybe a travel show on VH1 where she goes to exotic locales and makes out with the locals. Tara Reid and Denise Richards could tag along and offer advice such as, “More tequila please, bartender. Oh gawd, Denise, I didn’t even mean it like that. Hah haaaaaaaah. But seriously, more booze, guy.”

We do know that this opens doors for some other quasi-celebrities. Maybe this is Ashley Dupre’s chance to change her name to Ashley Absinthe and let season 3 of Shot At Love proceed without missing a beat. Alternatively, they could water the show down and have Shayne Llamas star as Shayne Sherry. Everyone wins. Except for society in general. They lose every time.

Note: Check who Star Pulse says Tila’s girlf’s dad is. Power plays, son.