Bond Divorced

by Tom Miller

Guess what? It looks like James Bond is getting unhitched according to the AP. Don’t worry, Daniel Craig’s didn’t get a quickie marriage and annulment. George Lazenby, the second man to play James Bond is getting divorce from his wife of 6 years Pam Shriver. You may remember Shriver as a dynamite doubles player who partnered with Martina Navratilova (you better stop thinking that) in the 80’s. Shriver now works as a tennis commentator and is distantly related to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s wife Maria Shriver.

The couple cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for their breakup. We imagine that most of the ‘differences’ go down thusly:

Shriver
So that’s when Martina nailed this winner past a diving Jana Novotna. It was incredible.
Lazenby
Must have been. I’ve only heard about Martina carrying you to 20 doubles titles about 5 million times.
Shriver
And what have you done with your life, sport?
Lazenby
That’s not fair. I played James…
Shriver
Bond? Let me get this straight? You’re comparing the 1 time that you pretended to be a secret agent to the 20 grand slam titles I won?

Lazenby breaks a bottle and starts waving it around.

Lazenby
This has been a long time coming, bitch.

Fade to black.

“Life can sometimes turn your greatest successes into your most crushing defeats!” - Will Ferrell as Harry Caray.

For the record, we’re totally into On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, doubles tennis, and resting on one’s laurels when possible.