Howard Stern To Marry Soon?

by Tom Miller

How about this? Fox News reports that Mark Consuelos is going to marry Howard Stern. Ha ha, English language, “to marry” can mean both to engage in a marriage with a person or preside over such a ceremony. Goodness gracious, ha. Where were we? Oh, the buzz on the beach (The Hamptons, that is) is that the King Of Satellite Radio is going to marry longtime girlf Beth Ostrosky in October. And the actor Mark Consuelos (husband of baby factory Kelly Ripa) may conduct the ceremony thus ‘marrying’ Howard Stern. Fun.

While the couple has been engaged for roughly a year, we’re a little surprised that things are actually go through this quicklike. Judging by Stern’s comments that being engaged is better than being married, we figured that he’d like to stretch this thing out a little longer. Maybe Beth Ostrosky is feeling a little of the old cow/milk/free pinch from friends, relatives, or her inner Jiminy Cricket. Maybe Stern changed his mind on the whole marriage scene and has a little perspective from his last marriage. Or possibly certain conjugal rights have been suspended until an honest woman is made. Such a gambit has been known to pay off as often as it blows up though. Salman Rushdie (the M Night Shyamalan of books, just kidding, but they are both Indian and seem like a lot of fun) once said (and we’re paraphrasing) that women prefer weddings to marriages. Mayhaps, Stern prefers wedding nights to marriages.

Fox goes on to say that there is some sort of pre-wedding civil event scheduled for this weekend in the Hamptons. Good times. Maybe after this wedding we can finally, finally remember which Howard Stern is the radio guy and which one was Anna Nicole Smith’s lawyer.