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Why Women Can’t Cheat (and Men Can)
The John Edwards scandal shows how infidelity is easier for men.
by Elizabeth Cline
John Edwards was supposed to be one of the good guys – he seemed like the kind of husband who’d clean up around the house and take his wife to chemo. But it turns out he was yet another married man lying about an affair (with Rielle Hunter, a woman who produced his campaign videos) and he only came clean after being cornered by the media. His wife, Elizabeth Edwards, already knew about his mistress when the news broke and she has stuck by his side throughout the scandal. Why is it that we so often hear about high profile men cheating, but we rarely hear about women doing so? Perhaps it’s because societal structure combined with differing motivations for infidelity mean it’s simply easier for men to cheat.
Despite knowing that men stray, not to mention the oft-repeated statistic that most marriages end in divorce, women still put time and energy into making relationships work, especially when compared with men. There’s no doubt that dudes today are more invested in their relationships than they were in cavemen times, but their commitment doesn’t create mega-hits like Sex and the City, a show about four women talking about men, or reading articles like “The Secret Girlfriend Weapon,” which details psychological tricks to improve your couple bond, or “How To Emerge From a Fight More in Love,” actual articles from Cosmopolitan.com, whose print version is the top-seller on newsstands. By putting so much of their time and energy into the fairy-tale idea that relationships can be perfect, women set themselves up to be disappointed–or to at least look like big losers–when their man has an affair.
Luckily, the statistics show that we aren’t as naïve as all that. Women are only seven percent less likely to cheat than men, according to a study released this week from the University of New Hampshire. All the unmarried twenty-something women I interviewed for this piece turned out to be cheaters who’d rarely been cheated on. Lauren S., 25, has fooled around in three of her serious relationships. With one guy, she says, “I was uncomfortable with him physically, and I felt smothered. He didn’t let me be my full self. So when he went out of town for a few weeks I went to a party and ended up crashing in a bed with some other guy, and cheated.” While she felt guilty, and her boyfriend forgave her, Lauren broke up with him a few months later for the same reasons that drove her to cheat in the first place. Cynthia, 28, has also strayed repeatedly. “But I do it at the end of relationship, when it’s all but over anyway, and then I have to break up,” she says.
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1 Mac // Oct 29, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Why is cheating a mark of independence?!
It’s wrong no matter who does it. If someone isn’t satisfying you or you’re not in love with them anymore, have the guts (and dignity) to break it off. Any other action is cowardly.
2 Larry // Sep 11, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Yeah, tell my ex-wife. She cheated for 5 years before I found out.
3 Agile Cyborg // Aug 31, 2008 at 1:13 pm
This article is articulating a strange absurdity in an advanced way.
There ARE women who CAN’T cheat. But this ’superior’ tendency is NOT due to an oppressive dedication to home, children, laundry, dust removal, family and Evolution’s Gold Seal of Truth and Honesty emblazoned on their static-free capes.
4 Gianmario // Aug 18, 2008 at 6:39 pm
The article would be true if this were the 1970s/80s. In this era however it has turned into a myth. Women cheat as much as their male counterparts. The reason why men seem to cheat more is because they get caught (and it’s somewhat accepted). Contrary to women who are discrete and manage to lead a double life with apparant ease. I have many (involved and single) female friends in USA and here in Europe between the age of 25-50 and lots of them have (had) an affair.
They only differ in their motives; men do it mainly for sex whereas women have tons of motives ranging from sex, the lack of attention or some other form of instrumentalism (e.g. getting a promotion).
The author claims that men have more access (escort services, clubs, websites, etc..), but that’s only because women don’t have to pay to get sex. It’s suffice for them to go to an etablissement which men visit (from the beach, gym, supermercato to a pub or disco).
It’s not even necessary to go outside, which a woman illustrated recently when she started an ‘i need sex’ group on Facebook and she got an overwhelming response from the men!
5 Seriously? // Aug 16, 2008 at 3:23 am
I 100% agree with Some guy. This article would be laughable if not for the fact that the author seems to take herself seriously. As a woman I can recognize and take offense to the generalizations about women and aging. The premise on which the article was built is shaky at best.
Have you taken a look at the plastic surgery stats, the number of botox users, the number of anti-aging “remedies” available, read a magazine, watched the TV, recognized all the trends that show that women are not just spending “time at home and [losing] their sex appeal”
Perhaps you could have used Google to find a wide number of valid studies that completely debunks your theory that its easier for men to cheat. Sorry to tell you women are just as likely to cheat as men, older or younger. What does that say about ease? The next time you’re writing an article I’d be happy to help you with the research.
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