Calling All “Ugly Ducklings”

by Tom Miller

Gentlemen, there are not points for political correctness. Australians don’t mince words. The Outback is too dangerous a place to go around your arse to get to your elbow in terms of getting your point across. So, we’re not terribly surprised when Reuters reports that the mayor of an Outback town suggest that “ugly ducklings” move to his town because of the heavily skewed male-to-female ratio.

The town of Mount Isa, in Queensland, is known as a rough place and sits on 1 of the world’s most massive underground mines. Local knowledge (the LK, as it were) puts that blokes to sheilas ratio at about 5-to-1. This gave Mayor John Molony some cause for concern. So, he said,”… may I suggest that beauty-disadvantaged women should proceed to Mount Isa?” Which sounds sort of PC, if you’re into all that. John Molony refuses to back down from his comments despite the flood of phone calls to the chamber of commerce and not just from unattractive females.

Further, he states, “Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face. Whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness.” Um, is he wrong? In the land of the blind, the man with 1 eye is king. In the land of the sex-starved miner, the but-her-face is queen. This is sort of the reverse of the Delano Hotel Pool phenomenon. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, or so we’ve been told. So back the shit off of Mayor Molony, he’s just trying to get some of his miners laid. We heard that some miners are even taking classes on sensitivity to menopause. And if it makes a notie or 2 feel like a natural woman, so much the better. C’mon, it would be just like Deadwood except with more swearing and, clearly, fewer whores. Apropos of nothing, a round trip flight from New York to Brisbane (the closest major city to Mount Isa) is going for about $975 if your schedule is travel dates are flexible. Thoughts?