Pre-Wedding Blues

by Colleen Oakley

I’ve heard of the post-wedding blues, but didn’t know it was possible to get depressed BEFORE the wedding. It is. I am.

I’ve been struggling with it for a few weeks now, but didn’t want to say anything. Isn’t this supposed to be the “happiest time of my life”?

And I didn’t want people to jump to the wrong conclusion-that I was scared of marrying Fred or that he’s the wrong guy. That’s not what it feels like. It’s really just a genuine sadness for what seems like no reason that I can put my finger on.

It all came to a head last Friday when I was riding in the car with Fred. I just started crying without being provoked. I felt overwhelmed with the wedding stuff and I didn’t know where to turn because I’m the first out of my close-knit group of friends to get married— I didn’t think they would be able to understand what I was feeling. Particularly when I couldn’t articulate quite why I was crying.

I went online and googled “depression before the wedding” and found this site called consciousweddings.com (a must for any bride dealing with this). Sheryl, the founder of the site, has an entire article dealing with the pre-wedding blues–and it detailed everything that I’ve been feeling! I was SO relieved. Nobody talks about the stuff and I felt abnormal for going through it. But apparently I’m mourning the loss of my single self. Who in the world is Mrs. Tull and who am I going to be when that’s my name? What is my new identity as a wife? I’ve always been so independent—how to I reconcile sacrificing some of that freedom in getting married?

It was like I hit the motherload when it came to somebody understanding my thoughts and feelings and I instantly felt better. I highly recommend the site to all brides-to-be and I also encourage more people to talk about this stuff. Getting married isn’t all about flowers and cakes, and feel-good feelings. If brides would be more honest about the hard stuff then other women wouldn’t feel so alone when they struggled with “unorthodox” thoughts.

Enough of that diatribe. On a happy note, I did find the greatest bridesmaid gifts! Apparently it’s tradition to give your bridesmaids something monogrammed. Every bridesmaid gift website has travel bags, purses, pendants, robes, slippers, compacts–all stitched with three initials. While it was all nice stuff, I couldn’t find anything that seemed really significant or special. So I searched hard and came up with a different gift for each girl— one that fits their personalities instead of a generic one for all of them. I can’t say what I got them yet because I want it to be a surprise, but I think they will each really like their gift. If you want to know, stay tuned and I’ll tell you after the wedding…