Oh please. You know I’m right, for the most part. Although I’m not really the most reliable source for what girlfriends and boyfriends  do. As I was saying, I’m not used to being so available. It’s a little terrifying, a little threatening and feels a bit like I’m some rapper on house arrest (sorry, T.I.). Okay, I know I’m being a little dramatic but I’m using this BlackBerry example because essentially, it’s weird to be important - to be part of something bigger than yourself.

I’m big on my professional life being a totally separate world from my personal, so no, I am not comparing a potential boyfriend to a BlackBerry because Lord knows that my BlackBerry can’t kiss to make me lightheaded, like the man I’ve got my eye on these days. But if they do, one day make a BlackBerry than can do that, best believe I’ll be pre-ordering.

New job, new apartment…I’ve been going through a lot of changes lately (sorry to sound so “6th grade health class”). Change is exciting, nourishing and often necessary, but is there anything about our dating selves that remains constant? For me,  it’s electricity. That spark that you feel that makes you think about a man 2 hours after your encounter, even if it’s just a quick kiss. And it could spill onto the next day. The farther the vivid memory travels, the more you know - you got it bad.

I love having it bad. And that feeling in my stomach that I got when my first little boyfriend-type, Jamaal used to brush against me in the hall with a gentle arm squeeze? In my grown up (and I use that term loosely since my last date consisted of Chinese takeout, the Shark Tale DVD and Anthony and I on my couch) dating life, I still get that exact same feeling.

And everyone who knows me knows that I love to roll around in a Disney crush like a pig in warm mud. But when it’s time for a crush to turn into a relationship – will I ever be ready for that type of change?

What is it about my mentality though that makes having a boyfriend equal  being locked down and controlled and unhappy? I can’t figure it out because during the functional part of my last serious relationship, I was very happy and I stayed in close communication with Andre because I wanted to. Not because it was expected.

Even after all the therapy, the Zen thoughts, and the healing – I still have control issues. I’m still so defensive!

“Ever since the Andre debacle, you’ve been so freakin’ defensive. LET IT GO!” Ann exclaimed in an exasperated phone conversation this weekend.

“I have let it go!” I retorted. “I don’t miss him!”

“That’s not what I mean. Let how he hurt you go already. You’re okay now! Be the person you were pre-Andre.”

Hmm. Easier said than done. I took a minute to think about it and then told her that although I’ve made progress since my last relationship, let’s not forget that I’m still a work in  progress.

The conversation got to me in a good way though. I love to preach about letting yourself feel emotions without having to apologize for them, but Ann was right. As important as it is to embrace the rain, we owe it to ourselves to bask in the sunshine after the storm.

As for my new BlackBerry, I’ve realized that I’m in control – I can push buttons without letting that devilish device push mine. And my next man? If he’s as sleek, smart and in tune to my needs as this thing is, I’ll consider myself lucky.

According to OK! Magazine, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are not engaged. Engaged? Seriously? Evidently, Kate Hudson was sporting a ring as part of a scene in a film (Bride Wars) that she’s been taping in sunny Florida. While these 2 may be ‘destined’ for each other, isn’t it a little soon? Didn’t he just get over a bit of melancholy allegedly spurred by her spurning him? And there are new relationship/ sex rumors about him like on the daily (did you hear the one about the aborted threesome possibly with Vince Vaughn?). Let’s go a few weeks without him having a crazy sex rumor and without her talking about her son being the only man in her life before we declare a royal engagement.

On a side note, wouldn’t a double wedding with these 2 couples be adorable? Sure it might be weird with Vince Vaughn as best man but everyone can be cool about it, right? Mayer looks like he can take a punch with his sweet Alex P Keaton haircut. “Oh baby you, you got what I need…”

A lot of people probably consider Nixon’s character, Miranda, to be a bit of a buzzkill, but we like to think of her as the ’smart one.’ She’s the voice of reason and we think that the whole crew could have avoided some heartache if they listened to her clap-contracting ass. Were they to form as Voltron, Nixon would no doubt be the head, which leaves the one that was in Big Trouble In Little China (Kim Cattrall) as the vajayjay, naturally.

Outside of being on the most wildly successful show about 4 New York women exploring their sexuality and embracing a different kind of sisterhood, Nixon has a very interesting story. She was married to a dude called Danny Mozes. She and Mozes, a teacher, had a couple of kids and were together for 15 years. Towards the end of their relationship, she became involved with Christine Marinoni, an education activist. We’re not sure what hurts more for a male educator, having your wife leave you for a woman or for an education activist. It’s like if your wife is a big-shot actress and you’re a teacher, you expect her to leave you for Fred Dryer or David Hasselhoff or Corbin Bernsen (you know, a sexy star), not some lady also involved in the teaching racket.

In addition to her relationship stuff and the SATC movie, Nixon recently revealed that she beat breast cancer. Pretty good work all the way around.

Instead of pushing conversations peppered with “I feel…” statements and listening techniques, the authors recommend couples zip their lips and focus on improving the wordless connection between them. The claim is that men falter in relationships because of shame and women because of fear, and discussion only makes these differences more apparent and divisive.

That talking about a relationship makes men feel insecure and increasingly shameful initially strikes as an archaic concept in the 21st century of metrosexuals and Greg Behrendt, but what the book really gets at is: how much better would you feel discussing a touchy subject if you and your husband first shared a long hug?

Much like diet and fitness experts say, the authors conclude that romance doesn’t lie in elaborate gestures like weekend getaways (the equivalent of crash dieting) but in making small changes to one’s every day routine.

They have lots of accommodations, but we stayed in the main lodge and had a nice, quaint room with view of one of the many gardens on their 5,500 acres. Prices aren’t cheap, but they include all of your meals. Being somewhat of a foodie, I wasn’t expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised with the yummy food and impeccable service. The staff couldn’t have been nicer, and they were chock full of advice on things to do in the area with activities on property from hiking to fishing and the spa to nearby antiquing, gambling and amazing Callie’s pretzels.

I even got to spy on a beautiful wedding taking place outside of our window amongst the just-in-bloom tulips. Oh, and don’t skip the spa—relaxing, accommodating and top-shelf services rounded out the weekend. A word I don’t use often describes Skytop Lodge: genteel.

The body language expert, Judi James, uses isolated paparazzo photos to make overarching generalizations about celeb relationships. She breaks down each instance in which their angles and touch-points signify his desire to possess her and do the thinking for both of them. Pffft. As if. Next we’re gonna hear that her height bothers him. The Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes experience is a partnership. He was Maverick, lady.

And then this Judi James has the nerve to say that there is a power struggle between Madonna and Guy Richie. Of all the crazy things. Next she’s going to say that all the pictures with Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are staged and they’re relationship is phony. That’s crazy talk.

Note: you’ll have to check out the link to The Sun to see what she means, they’re pretty controlling of their images like certain not-to-be-mentioned superstars.

Couples who were happiest as newlyweds experienced the greatest drop in wedded bliss after baby arrived. Ugh.

Okay, okay. There is some good news. Researchers noted that satisfaction levels returned to normal by the time the baby reaches 18 months.

Says the piece:
“The initial adjustment of parenthood shakes the foundation of the marriage for a year or so. But as couples go through it, it’s helpful to know that it’s temporary.”

So how does this help us? The article says getting through the three-year newlywed period sans kids will set up the whole fam for a better life all around. Sounds like a plan to us.

We would hate to see what a ‘contested’ divorce between Mills and McCartney would look like. We wonder if Mills and Tricia Walsh-Smith (the YouTube divorce class act) have been in touch. Those 2 kooky broads could really break some hearts together.

Do you think that Sir Paul’s attorney is going to wear a raincoat in case Heather Mills splashes her with water again? Or do you think the bailiffs are planning on keeping Mills restrained Hannibal Lecter-style?

And in case you haven’t gotten enough of Heather Mills, MSNBC is reporting that she may be on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice. Which has apparently broadened the definitions of both celebrity and apprentice. She’s got a ticket to ride and we don’t care.

This news smashed a gaping hole in the picture of marriage I had formed in my head. I know no relationship is perfect, but still—when I meet a married couple that recently had a baby, the furthest thought in my mind is that one day, he or she will up and leave. It’s shocking to know that someone can even do that, can bring themselves to be that irresponsible, that selfish. I thought they were happy and stable. I thought they would live the rest of their lives together with their beautiful child. Obviously my friend did, too.

If this can happen to her, it can happen to anyone. Although I’ve always heard about the scary divorce rate and the terrible odds of actually surviving as a couple, until now I’ve never applied them to myself. I’m lucky enough to have parents who are not only together after almost 30 years of marriage, but who also have one of the happiest, healthiest relationships I’ve ever seen. I know it’s naive, but I kind of thought complete and utter abandonment only happened in the movies and tabloids.

So how do you safeguard against someone else’s instinct to suddenly flee? The fact is, you can’t, and that terrifies me. Obviously I never want to rely on someone else just to have him up and leave one day. I guess the best I can do is try to maintain a degree of self-sufficiency, even when I’m with someone else. Unfortunately, for me that’s close to impossible.

Take Alex for example. While we were together, I never felt like I “lost” myself in our relationship. But when we broke up, I had to get used to being alone again. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that it’s just me now. Still, I sort of thought marriage meant you could stop worrying about that and feel free to lose yourself in the relationship because, hey, you’re married. No one’s going anywhere, right?

But self-sufficiency is a double-edged sword. Either you rely entirely on yourself and refuse to trust someone else for the fear that might get hurt, or you lower your guard and risk the possibility of, well, getting hurt. Which is the lesser of two evils? I’ve always been a big believer in the happily-ever-after scenario. “True love” means letting yourself go and trusting the other person to love you forever and for who you are. But my friend did that and got a brutal wake-up call. Is it more important to preserve yourself at all costs, or to open yourself up to love?

For me, I’m hoping this post-relationship time will teach me how to rely on myself again. Maybe I can find a balance between self-sufficiency and a trusting heart, so when the next relationship comes along I can open myself up but know that I’ll be ok if it falls through. Just like my friend is picking herself up and moving forward, I’d make it in the long run.

In this installment, Spencer gets asked about how to broach the subject of backdoor entry. And his rap on is that you’ll probably know right away if the other person is into it. And if you don’t feel like asking you can just explore… digitally (think about it).

We think you could just ask the other person then bargain then beg then resent like everyone else does.

How disappointing. We want our celebrity advice to either be really good or really bad. This middle of the road advice is not even worth reading.